Sunday, August 23, 2020

Decoding the Husband (1) - Does little work at home and acts as if he's been working all day


You may find it amusing that your husband can have an exaggerated sense of celebration of small things he does.

For 10 to 15 minutes, he could work in the kitchen or sit with the children to help them with their home work... and then act as if he did all the dishes, made breakfast and in fact lifted the mountain on his shoulders.

It's a harmless act, in fact quite amusing if you looked at it without being affected.

Don't be surprised if he asks you for a cup of coffee after that miscellaneous work he did without breaking a sweat.

It's just that nature has made him think that his work is outside the home. True to an extent though when he went to hunt hundreds of years ago.

Don't be upset, he can be trained to do better that this. 

Appreciate him for what he does and see his interest grow in household chores.

Monday, August 17, 2020

Men think, Women feel - unique difference between man and woman

 Men think, Women feel

Look at the way they ask questions.

Man: What do you think?

Woman: How do you feel?

The way a many behaves is different from that of a woman. Your husband will think and respond or do things. 

You will feel and do or respond to questions.

If you understand this fundamental difference, you will not feel bad or get upset the next time he gives you a quick answer that is devoid of any details.

As a woman, you will ask your friend: "How would you feel when you husband says this response to ....."

As a man, your husband is likely to ask his friend: "What do you think a wife means when she says this..."

The man, by nature, is trained to think, not feel. It's not easy to change this behaviour, since it's hardwired.

You will always feel and connect lots of information when you talk about something. This too is difficult to change, because it's natural.

If you understand this, you will soon learn to appreciate why they say and do things the way they do. As you become aware, you will learn to celebrate your differences.

For both of you are made to be special and unique. 


Saturday, August 8, 2020

Why a silent wife confuses the husband

The husband is always looking to fix the issue.

Let's see how.

Wife is silent. Husband can't figure out why.

Husband: What happened baby

Wife (silent).

Husband (on phone two hours later): I've asked her about 50 times till now but she's not saying what's upset her.

The husband could reflect for a moment on what might have upset her - morning conversation, an incident that happened at dinner, did he forget to do something she asked, oh my god, did he forget her mom's birthday.

Instead of asking, he can take the step to find out.

But he won't, that's their nature. The husband is always looking to fix the issue. Not understand it.


Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Changing Your Question, Changes the Response

The response you get from your husband can change based on how you ask

How often in our relationship do we ask questions that get monosyllabic answers.

And we wonder why our partner is not responding. Is our partner tired or upset? Did they have a tough day at work? Questions crop up in our mind and bother us.
Let's look at an example.

Wife: How was your day
Hubby: Fine

We could very well change this:

Wife: What was the most interesting moment of you day at work
Hubby: Well, actually it was the birthday celebration of a team mate. It was all fun and ......

Let's look at another example:
Hubby: Why did you bang that door shut
Wife: I didn't slam it, I ....... (Is upset, denies and the argument begins)

We could change this:

Hubby: Baby, could you shut the door slowly, It made me jolt
Wife: I'm sorry Robert, I didn't mean to. I'll be careful next time

See, how changing the question, changes the response.

Don't forget to try it.
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