Sunday, August 23, 2020

Decoding the Husband (1) - Does little work at home and acts as if he's been working all day


You may find it amusing that your husband can have an exaggerated sense of celebration of small things he does.

For 10 to 15 minutes, he could work in the kitchen or sit with the children to help them with their home work... and then act as if he did all the dishes, made breakfast and in fact lifted the mountain on his shoulders.

It's a harmless act, in fact quite amusing if you looked at it without being affected.

Don't be surprised if he asks you for a cup of coffee after that miscellaneous work he did without breaking a sweat.

It's just that nature has made him think that his work is outside the home. True to an extent though when he went to hunt hundreds of years ago.

Don't be upset, he can be trained to do better that this. 

Appreciate him for what he does and see his interest grow in household chores.

Monday, August 17, 2020

Men think, Women feel - unique difference between man and woman

 Men think, Women feel

Look at the way they ask questions.

Man: What do you think?

Woman: How do you feel?

The way a many behaves is different from that of a woman. Your husband will think and respond or do things. 

You will feel and do or respond to questions.

If you understand this fundamental difference, you will not feel bad or get upset the next time he gives you a quick answer that is devoid of any details.

As a woman, you will ask your friend: "How would you feel when you husband says this response to ....."

As a man, your husband is likely to ask his friend: "What do you think a wife means when she says this..."

The man, by nature, is trained to think, not feel. It's not easy to change this behaviour, since it's hardwired.

You will always feel and connect lots of information when you talk about something. This too is difficult to change, because it's natural.

If you understand this, you will soon learn to appreciate why they say and do things the way they do. As you become aware, you will learn to celebrate your differences.

For both of you are made to be special and unique. 


Saturday, August 8, 2020

Why a silent wife confuses the husband

The husband is always looking to fix the issue.

Let's see how.

Wife is silent. Husband can't figure out why.

Husband: What happened baby

Wife (silent).

Husband (on phone two hours later): I've asked her about 50 times till now but she's not saying what's upset her.

The husband could reflect for a moment on what might have upset her - morning conversation, an incident that happened at dinner, did he forget to do something she asked, oh my god, did he forget her mom's birthday.

Instead of asking, he can take the step to find out.

But he won't, that's their nature. The husband is always looking to fix the issue. Not understand it.


Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Changing Your Question, Changes the Response

The response you get from your husband can change based on how you ask

How often in our relationship do we ask questions that get monosyllabic answers.

And we wonder why our partner is not responding. Is our partner tired or upset? Did they have a tough day at work? Questions crop up in our mind and bother us.
Let's look at an example.

Wife: How was your day
Hubby: Fine

We could very well change this:

Wife: What was the most interesting moment of you day at work
Hubby: Well, actually it was the birthday celebration of a team mate. It was all fun and ......

Let's look at another example:
Hubby: Why did you bang that door shut
Wife: I didn't slam it, I ....... (Is upset, denies and the argument begins)

We could change this:

Hubby: Baby, could you shut the door slowly, It made me jolt
Wife: I'm sorry Robert, I didn't mean to. I'll be careful next time

See, how changing the question, changes the response.

Don't forget to try it.

Saturday, July 25, 2020

My husband keeps forgetting his wallet and car keys, what should I do

Ever seen your husband frantically searching for the car keys, wallet, ID card or his favourite tie just when you’re leaving to office or busy with something? And finally you find it right on his desk or inside his cupboard.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Millions of wives are facing this situation every day. On the lighter side, men are so forgetful that sometimes they forget who they married.

Women are sometimes bewildered by this strange behaviour of their husbands. It’s a feeling only married women can empathize with.

It’s best to work together on this and help him. Ask him to get into the habit of leaving these in some dedicated place where he can find it easily, by himself.

Second, ask him to stop and take a look at where he’s keeping it. When he searches, he can close his eyes and visualize where he last saw the thing he’s searching…and abracadabra he’ll generally remember it.

With a little patience from both and lot of effort from your husband, he’ll be able to soon remember where he kept his things.

If he’s just misplacing things once in a while, it’s fine. Could you be just a bad habit from his younger days.

But if he keeps losing car keys, wallet and credit cards frequently, then a visit to the doctor might help. It’s all treatable and curable.


Tuesday, July 21, 2020

A secret family ritual that creates a sense of belonging

For five decades, a family ritual that my father began has ushered immense love in my family. In my youth, it used to be my parents, sister and two brothers. Now, I continue that sacred tradition. 

Every day after dinner my wife, two daughters and yours truly bond together to share our day's happenings.

A 30-minute non judgemental sharing and listening that lets each other know what we're doing, what makes us happy or what our aspirations are for the future. 

We laugh, smile, appreciate, encourage and connect as a family. 

And when we go to bed after that, we feel relaxed and happy.

Try to set apart a time with your husband and kids, after dinner, when you can speak what's on your mind. If we share our daily experiences, the openness binds us together.

I strongly urge you to start it today!

Sunday, July 19, 2020

How just holding your husband's hands heals you

Holding hands fundamentally depicts trust, intimacy and love between the husband and wife. Enrich your relationship and blow your worries away with a simple act, every day.

It's seems like a simple act yet it's powerful. Everytime you or your spouse is under some stress or tension, just hold your partner's hands with fingers gently and magically, within minutes, you become relaxed. The heart pounds slower, even the breathing is relaxed. 

Touch is so healing that you could hold hands, be silent and sit beside each other all day.

Touch is vital for humans, more so for wife and husband. The more regular you are at holding hands while walking or even while watching television or reading a book together, the more the love and less the tension.

After birth, touch is the first connection we make with this world. Therefore, it's life saving. It's therapeutic.

Science tells us that human touch triggers the release of oxytocin (the love hormone) in our brains. It is a neurotransmitter that increases the feeling of trust, intimacy compassion and decreases stress, fear and anxiety.

Holding hands also decreases the levels of stress hormones like cortisol in our body.

Hold hands, let go of your anxiety. Peace will descend on you and your family.

Rajasekar KS
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